Feel na feel ko yung weather today, guys.
I wish that courage had come to me like a crashing wave
as I watched your eyes try to catch mine
in the dimness from the street light.
But I looked away
when my fingers should have leapt
and my arms should have spread
Open like the highway that took me swiftly,
so my tears had no time to fall.
I wish that my thoughts had spilled from my lips
when I listened to your laughter
as we played our parts:
I, with my longing veiled
and you, labelling me “friend”.
I wish that steel had crept into my spine
so I could have said how beautiful you looked
and your new haircut beckoned
to be dishevelled
in a dance between my pillow cases
and our unguarded confessions
I wish that “love” was not so tainted,
fading like an old sailboat
eaten away by rust and rough tides
with nothing but memories of bygone odysseys
I wish I had words like these for you each day
and my whispers could tickle your ear
as sunlight tiptoed across the small of your back
I wish you were reading this now
so you could know
that here, I wait.
Sometimes a movie star’s eyes
gets you through the love and the lies
We get one sweet moment in the arms of youth
I don’t wanna waste time holding down the truth
I’ve got everything to win and only pain to lose
It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.
And if you’re still breathing, you’re the lucky ones
‘Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
I should’ve practiced my scales
I should not be attracted to males
But you said that I should learn to love myself
Well, make up your mind, Dr. Frankenstein
Sitting in a café, holding back tears right now. Happy Pride Month, everyone.
Go after her.
Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.
The Age of Internet Innocence
I found this unpublished blog entry that was intended for the startup website I used to work for while sifting through my old files.
It’s hard to pinpoint the precise event that sparked my love affair with the internet. I’ve never been adept at recounting history—even, or perhaps especially, when it’s my own. If I were to make an attempt at zeroing in on the clearest, earliest recollection I have of my encounters with the online world, I would trace it back to sometime in high school.